If you hate the agency

Some adoptees target adoption agencies. They say the institution is the sole root of the problem in this transracial and transnational adoption debate. Without the agencies there would be no process to place children of color in predominantly white homes for cash money. Without the agencies, children would not get taken away from their families of origin or their home countries. Without the agencies, the world would be a better place. And the anti-adoption rhetoric goes on and on. I am not totally in disagreement with them. But like EVERY single freaking issue on the face of the earth, it is more complicated than that.

Birth mother bullseye

The reason my birth mother is the target of my non-compassion phase lately is because she is one of hundreds of thousands of women who had a chance to start her life completely over, void of responsibility. And I am sitting on the other side of the world dealing with the loss of her without any idea if she ever gave me a second thought. I am all about second chances, but for some reason her shot at a life without complications with a bastard child unnerves me and makes me feel bitterness right now.

Adoptee thoughts

I originally started this blog to document the journey I was embarking upon as an adoptee in search of my biological roots. Many of you wanted to follow because it seemed like a fascinating story, maybe one that would end with redemption and closure. But that is not how it happened for me. My search was inconclusive and painfully disappointing. After several months of putting adoption on the back burner, it has come blazing toward the surface and is generally in my thoughts.

Serenity over the waters

20,000 miles

In 2014, Bruce and I managed to travel close to 20,000 miles. Between my vacation to Prince Edward Island, my move out to Oregon and our trips to see each other periodically, the number is seriously that high. Incredible and insane all at once, right?

The grit

This girl is struggling. Yes, the very same one in the photo. I love looking through old pictures of myself because I see a certain innocence that has long since gone away. The cheerful disposition is still there, but the reality of living an adult life isn’t as carefree as I dreamt it would be all those years ago. Life 2,000 miles away from everything I’ve ever known is hitting the misery zone for me lately.

Holidays are tricky

I’m thinking of a specific individual tonight who has been through a really tough storm in life in the last 6 months. I see so much of my story in the things she is currently going through, and it makes me sad. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years…they just add up and seem to be never ending right now. Holidays are a great opportunity to spend time with loved ones, but when you are in pain because of a tough reality that divides your family, holidays become nightmares.

Red, silver, green and burlap

My favorite shot from Thanksgiving weekend

Grants Pass, OR

Falling off a tree